Anxiety Really Sucks!

Two weeks ago, I took the leap and moved back to my apartment in Montreal. I had been living at home in Ontario for the past five months with my parents while I worked on overcoming my recently diagnosed panic disorder. But now I’m back, ready for summer school and reintegrating into society.

These two weeks have been great; reconnecting with school friends, exploring my favorite city once again, getting back into the “groove.” But there’s one problem: I need a job.

To me, social anxiety and job hunting seem almost oxymoronic as a pair. The fact that job hunting basically touches on all my social fears makes it a very difficult and frustrating time for me. I’m afraid of talking on the phone, of being judged, of being unfairly categorized, and of making small talk. So how do I find a job?

So far, I’ve had some great leads. I’ve managed to find some online work that involves no face-to-face interaction or phone calls. I’m in the running for a couple writing positions that also require very little interpersonal time. These positions are perfect, because I’m looking for a couple part-time jobs while I’m in summer school (for a little extra pocket money). But what if I were looking for a full-time job?

Today I want to go over a few tips for getting around your social anxiety in the job hunting process. This isn’t a post about overcoming social anxiety (that takes time), but rather about not letting it prevent you from paying bills.

• Take advantage of your skill set. Everyone has a skill set. For some, it may be a list of fancy degrees and research experience. For others, it may be the ability to lift heavy objects and be comfortable working long hours. Whatever your particular skill set, find jobs that cater to it. If you take jobs that you feel qualified for, then you will be less likely to feel anxious while working and you’ll probably be more confident in your interview. If you have to lie about or embellish your skill set to get a job, chances are your anxiety will be high from the very beginning.
  
• Work within your comfort zone. Find jobs that you’re comfortable working. Perhaps, like me, you have a lot of experience in retail from high school/college jobs, but you’re not comfortable working in that environment anymore. Instead, look for jobs that cater to your comfort zone: instead of looking for retail or customer service jobs, I’ve been hunting for writing jobs. I had no formal experience in writing, so I made my own experience (I created this blog). Maybe your job transition can be a little less dramatic. Instead of working as a server, maybe you want to move back to the kitchen where you have less interaction with other people.
• Be open about your anxiety. (Or not.) Often, being open about your social anxiety can be a huge relief when finding a new job. There are many employers out there who are very understanding when it comes to mental health accommodations. But there are also many employers who would discriminate against a potential employee who has a mental illness. Personally, I would never mention my anxiety in a job interview, but I would bring it up if I thought there was some way I could work around it with the help of my employer. Summer Beretsky wrote an article on requesting workplace accommodations for panic disorder, and a lot of the same points are relevant to social anxiety as well.
• Practice with a support figure. If you’re nervous about the interview, one of the best ways to prepare is to hold a “mock interview” with a support figure. Sit down with your spouse or parent or close friend and have them ask you a series of questions that a potential interviewer may ask. It may seem too artificial to be helpful, but I’ve found that practicing interviews really does help alleviate some of my anxiety. It helps me gain some clarity as to why I’m anxious and what coping mechanisms I can use during the real interview to keep myself calm.
• Talk to your doctor. I went to see my psychiatrist about a year ago when I was struggling with giving presentations, and I was prescribed propranolol. Propranolol is a beta blocker that helps me give presentations without any of my characteristic social anxiety symptoms: trembling, stuttering, sweating, heart racing, erratic breathing. If you believe you would benefit from the beta blocking effects of propranolol, mention it to your doctor.

How do you cope with job hunting? Do social anxiety and job hunting mix well for you? Let me know in the comments below. 🙂

In my last post, I explored the four types of obsessive thoughts that commonly occupy my mind. Today, I want to spend some time discussing techniques we can use to put those obsessive thoughts to rest.

Practice Thought Stopping

Thought stopping is a technique used to halt unwanted or intrusive thoughts in their tracks. You simply have to imagine a big red Stop sign or a loud “Stop!” command every time you are having obsessive thoughts. You can go about this in a lot of different ways, but the basic idea is just to remind yourself that these thoughts are detrimental and unwanted.

While there is some evidence to suggest that thought stopping is not an effective method for dealing with obsessive thoughts, I would say that it’s much worse to allow yourself to continue having these thoughts uninterrupted. Oftentimes these thoughts become so automatic that we don’t even take the time to realize how damaging they are. Thought stopping is a way of reminding yourself that you can control what you’re thinking, rather than letting these thoughts go unchecked.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a technique that focuses on present awareness. I wrote about mindfulness as a tool to improve conversational skills in a previous post, and I will continue to emphasize the importance of mindfulness.

A key aspect of mindfulness is about not letting your thoughts wander. Rather than judging yourself for letting your thoughts wander, you are encouraged to accept that it happens and try to bring your mind back to the present. In other words, mindfulness is about accepting your obsessive thoughts. They’re there, you can’t control what you’re thinking about, but you can guide your thoughts in the right direction.

A quick and easy example: try sitting on the floor with your legs crossed. Close your eyes, and imagine yourself sitting on the beach, listening to the waves roll in. Focus all your attention on the sound of the waves, the feeling of the sun beating down on your skin, and the smell of the sea water. Every time your thoughts wander away from the beach, acknowledge this, and bring them back. Practice this simple activity for a few minutes every day. Eventually, you will notice yourself gaining control over your thoughts.

Mindfulness activities may seem simple – but they’re incredibly difficult to master, especially for those of us with obsessive tendencies. I’ve been practicing mindfulness for a couple months now, and I can already see a difference. I’m much better at clearing my mind and not letting worries seep in. But of course, it’s much easier to have control of your mind in peaceful situations than in stressful ones. My ultimate goal is to see my mindfulness skills help me out in my panicked moments. More on that later.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Obsessive thoughts are generally a form of negative self-talk. Unfortunately for us, we rarely obsess over niceties, but rather focus our obsessing on worries and worst-case-scenario thinking.

Naturally, the opposite of negative self-talk is positive self-talk. Positive self-talk is comforting and reassuring yourself, while challenging your negative thoughts. Oftentimes, the best way to approach positive self-talk is to directly counter your negative thoughts.

Here are some examples:

• Thought: “I’m going to make a fool of myself during my presentation tomorrow”
• Counter: “I am an intelligent, capable person. I’m well prepared for this presentation, and I know the topic very well. I will not make a fool of myself tomorrow.”

• Thought: “What if our plane crashes?”
• Counter: “The likelihood of a plane crashing is very low. Millions of people fly every day, perfectly unharmed. There is no reason to suspect my experience will be any different.”

• Thought: “I can’t believe how low I scored on that exam…I’m an idiot! I’ll never amount to anything”
• Counter: “A single exam is not representative of my intelligence. There are many different types of intelligence, and I’ve done well on prior exams. There could have been an error in grading, perhaps I misunderstood some of the questions, or maybe I didn’t fill in my answers correctly. I’m an intelligent person.”

Positive self-talk is a difficult thing for many people. Many of us have spent our entire lives telling ourselves how inadequate we are. Start small if you have to. Instead of saying “I’m an intelligent person,” try saying “There are less intelligent people than me” or “I’m not completely unintelligent.” Any thought that challenges your negative thinking is a good thought.

One caveat: There is some research to suggest that positive self-talk is only effective if you actually believe what you’re saying. That makes total sense to me; if you’re telling yourself something you don’t believe, you just end up strengthening the opposite statement. When you start out with positive self-talk, start small and make sure you’re telling yourself something that you can at least partly believe in.

In Conclusion

Thought stopping, mindfulness and positive self-talk are three techniques you can employ to combat your obsessive thinking. While thought stopping may not be effective over the long term, mindfulness and positive self-talk are two strategies that get easier with practice and will eventually help you win back control of your thoughts.

How do you cope with obsessive thoughts? If you have another strategy, leave a comment – I would love to hear it!

Obsessive thoughts really are a drag. As if having insecure thoughts wasn’t bad enough on its own, our minds take those thoughts and broadcast them on a sadistic loop that never seems to end. And for those of us with anxiety disorders, those obsessive thought loops can be quite debilitating.

My obsessive thinking causes me a lot of problems. It loses me sleep, it prevents me from meeting people, it makes me seem aloof and distant at times. It even makes conversations more difficult than they should be. At times, it may help me stay motivated to achieve my goals, but really, the costs outweigh the benefits a-thousand-to-one.

There are a few different sorts of obsessive thoughts I tend to have. I like to think that there are four different types of obsessive thinkers in my head. No, I’m not implying distinct personalities. These are all parts of me, they just have different motives. Today I thought I would introduce them. I have a feeling you’ve met them before.

1. The Worrier. This type of obsessive thinker likes to worry a lot. (I chose a really creative name, right?)

Time frame: events that are beyond the immediate future (days to years)

Types of obsessions: approaching due dates, meetings, interviews, and exams. Also: plane rides, social functions, medical appointments, and work reviews. Basically, The Worrier likes to remind you of upcoming events when you’re not in a position to prepare for them.

Example: “I know you’re about to fall asleep,” it might say, “but I just thought you should obsess over the presentation you’re giving next week. Did you forget you’re afraid of presentations? No? Well good. Because you are. You’re terribly afraid of them. And you’re going to screw it up big time. Let’s think about that for awhile, shall we?”

2. The Panicker. This obsessive thinker comes free with one order of panic disorder. But you can also buy it if you have enough anxiety points.

Time frame: largely focused on the present moment (minutes to hours)

Types of obsession: meta-anxiety (panicking about panicking). The Panicker may think it’s helping you by constantly reminding you of possible panic attacks, but it’s really just making your life a living hell. It likes to perk up when you’re riding on public transportation, trying to enjoy a meal out with some colleagues, or waiting for an exam to be distributed. Whenever there’s waiting involved, you can be sure to meet The Panicker.

Example: “Uh oh,” it whispers out of the blue, “did you feel that? Your heart rate is going up. And now your breathing is becoming labored. Could this be a panic attack coming on? Let’s focus all of your thoughts on the unpleasant sensations you’re feeling! See!? I told you – you’re panicking! Ah!”

3. The Social Phobe. Always lurking in the back of your mind, The Social Phobe is your constant source of insecurity. Even if you don’t have social phobia, you’ve probably still met  this one.

Time frame: generally focused on the present (minutes to hours), can also be found digging up the past, sometimes even looks ahead months or years

Types of obsessions: anything social. Constantly evaluating whether or not your friends secretly hate you, telling you that you’ll never find love, and convincing you that you’re incapable of speaking to people. The Social Phobe is the one that won’t let you forget about that time you said something stupid to your boss or that party where you threw up in front of your love interest. It also likes to tell you that you’re stupid, you’re unattractive, and you’re boring.

Example: “Are you sure you want to go to that party tonight?” it asks. “Remember last weekend when you made a fool of yourself at Amy’s party? Or that time when you spilled your drink on that guy that was hitting on you? I bet you’ve forgotten about all those times that you had to talk to that really annoying guy at res parties because no one else found you interesting. Please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten how boring you are? And really, do you think you can pull off that outfit? No wonder no one likes you.”

The Sadist: He’s watching you.

4. The Sadist. The most evil of the obsessive thinkers, The Sadist picks out your most uncomfortable thoughts, and blasts them in your head on eternal repeat.

Time frame: you’re never safe

Types of obsessions: whatever makes you the most uncomfortable. The Sadist digs up your deepest, darkest secrets and never lets you forget about them. It may borrow material from the other three, but it takes obsessions to a whole new level. This is the reason why you can’t stop thinking about that one time in first grade when you wet yourself at recess and everyone laughed at you. It’s also why you get jealous of your ex, you keep having that same awful sexual fantasy, and you can’t quite get that Taylor Swift song out of your head (like, ever).

Example: “Oh, you’re just settling into a new relationship are you?” it squawks. “Well, in that case, I’m going to play a 30-minute montage of the worst moments from your last two relationships on repeat for the next month. Enjoy.”

Next time you find yourself in a spiral of obsessive thoughts, say hi to one of these four lovelies. Or maybe you have an obsessive thinker of your own? Either way, next post I will explore some ways that we can quiet these obsessive thinkers and have a little bit of mental peace once in awhile.

Next week is my 21st birthday. My parents have graciously decided to take me to The Bahamas, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. There’s nothing like relaxing on a tropical island with a fruity drink in hand and a buffet of delicious food nearby. My mouth is literally watering just thinking about it.

But alas, what is my life if not filled with irrational fears and worries? Currently, I am stressing over the flight. I haven’t been on a plane since my panic disorder started last year, so I’m apprehensive. Will I be able to board the plane and make it to The Bahamas unscathed? Or will it be a panic-fueled disaster?

Anticipatory anxiety, the constant discomfort us anxiety sufferers feel between panic attacks, is a curse like no other. It floats around us like an ominous cloud, constantly reminding us that a panic attack could strike at any moment. “Beware of the plane ride,” it whispers in our ears, “You know you can’t escape from the plane right? If you panic, you’re stuck.” For me, the anticipation of new or uncertain events is always the worst part. Those cursed “what if” statements keep popping up in my head, slowly nudging me into a state of frenzy.

The duration and intensity of anticipatory anxiety can vary quite substantially. For a visit to the doctor’s office, I may be anxious for only an hour leading up to it and remain capable of carrying on with my day. For a presentation that has a lot riding on it, I may fret for weeks, lose sleep, and as it gets closer to the presentation time, I may even struggle with everyday tasks like having a conversation.

So how do we beat this anticipatory worry? I’m not completely convinced that we can ever fully get rid of it (everyone worries a little bit), but we can certainly tame it and retain control over our lives. Here are some strategies you might find useful:

• Mental distractions. When you feel your worries setting in, try to keep your mind occupied. Strike up a conversation with a close friend, do some crossword puzzles, or dive into your work. If you can keep mentally busy, you may be able to postpone the worries. This isn’t a permanent solution, but it can give you some relief. 
• Physical distractions. Go out and exercise. Go for run, take the dog for a brisk walk, go swimming. Try to exert yourself, as this will keep you mentally occupied as well. It’s a win-win situation, because exercise is good for your overall health.
• Meditation and relaxation. Relaxation techniques like mindfulness meditation have been scientifically explored as strategies for coping with excessive worrying, and the results have been very positive. Just doing some basic deep breathing exercises can help you stay grounded and deflect those troubling worrisome thoughts.
• Intellectual attacks. This is the ultimate way to overcome your worries: hit them where they hurt. Use the much more evolutionarily advanced parts of your brain to combat those primitive structures giving you this life of anxiety. So what if you have a panic attack on the plane? You know from a lifetime of anxiety that a panic attack will not kill you, it usually goes away in about 30 minutes or so, and people around you are less aware than you expect. Worries are often irrational and illogical. If you can learn to challenge them with your superior logic, one day they may just go away permanently.

Hopefully you will find some comfort in these coping strategies. I find that distractions work well with the smaller worries, while I reserve the intellectual reasoning and meditation for some of the more lengthy worries. Distraction is a technique that can be applied to almost any form of anxiety, but alas, it never really works in the long run. At some point you need to directly target the underlying problem rather than just avoiding the symptoms.

Do you have other strategies for overcoming anticipatory anxiety? If you do, feel free to leave a comment. Have a great day!

Most of us like to have a few drinks when we’re out socializing. After a long week of work or school, what sounds more pleasant than hitting the patio at a local pub for a pitcher of cold beer or a glass of Chardonnay? Maybe you’re more into martinis or daiquiris. Well, whatever your poison, drinking alcoholic beverages is a lasting aspect of human culture; one that surely isn’t going to change anytime soon.

Social drinking presents a particular challenge for those of us who suffer from social anxiety. For someone who fears social situations, consuming a depressant like alcohol in a socially acceptable manner seems like the perfect solution. Alcohol lowers our natural inhibitions, making us less worried about how we present ourselves, which is a dream for social phobics.

Unfortunately, alcohol consumption is often a safety behavior, which means that it’s perpetuating your anxiety. As I’ve mentioned before in my post on agoraphobia, anxiety is all about associative learning. The anxious brain has learned to fear particular situations thanks to years of reinforcement.

If every time the phone rings, you avoid it at all costs, your brain begins to associate the phone ringing with the sensation of fear. Similarly, if you get drunk every time you’re out at a party, you will learn that you can’t handle social situations when you’re sober.

The problem is teasing out the difference between self-medicating and having fun. Just because you have social anxiety doesn’t mean that every drink you take is perpetuating the problem. When I’m sitting around with my roommates polishing off a case of beer after a tough exam, I’m certainly not self-medicating. I’m just being a regular college student. But when I have to do five shots of tequila before I can leave for a party, then maybe it’s time to start looking at my behavior.

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself when considering your (potentially) self-medicating behavior:

• How often do I enjoy social events when I’m sober?
• How often do I turn down alcohol when I’m in a social situation?
• Do I ever drink alone?
• Do I make stronger drinks for myself than for others?
• Am I always the one who instigates drinking?
• Am I always encouraging my friends to start drinking earlier in the day?
• Do I reliably drink much more when out at an event than in the comfort of my home?
• Do I feel like I’m always in a rush to get drunk?

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying some drinks with your friends. I don’t even believe that drinking alone is always a problem behavior – sometimes a cold beer is just so much more pleasant than a Coke.

It’s in exploring the motivation behind these behaviors that we can get to the root of the problem. If you’re having a glass of wine because you love the taste of wine, then you’re probably fine. If you’re polishing off  a bottle of wine in order to be better prepared to socialize at a work party, then maybe it’s time you take a hard look at your drinking habits.

To finish off, I just want to mention that there are many other reasons for self-medicating than social anxiety. Some people drink before bed to sleep better, others drink to avoid painful memories, while still others drink to avoid life in general. Today’s post was not meant to touch on addiction or mood disorders. Alcohol consumption is a touchy issue, so I may devote a more comprehensive post to it later.

Is self-medicating something that you struggle with? How did you answer the questions listed? If you feel like sharing, feel free to leave a comment. Have a great weekend!

I almost included a picture of a lotus pod (a potential trigger), but I thought that was cruel. Here are some cute puppies instead.

Earlier today, I was microwaving a leftover piece of salmon. When the salmon came out of the microwave, my entire body convulsed in a wave of fear and disgust. Little air pockets had formed on the edges of the salmon, giving the appearance of miniature tumors growing out of the piece of fish. Even now as I write this post, I am shuddering at the mental image.

Sounds pretty ridiculous, right? I have similar reactions to a host of other things – potato eyes, groups of large pimples, animals that have really noticeable pores. For a long time, I thought it was just a very peculiar personality quirk. But it appears that there may be something more to this intense aversion than I’d thought. My extreme reaction to these oddities indicates that I may be suffering from trypophobia, an intense fear of clusters of holes, bumps and other shapes.

I can trace back my own trypophobia to this awful children’s nature show I was watching one day at the age of 8 or so. In this particular episode, they were highlighting a species of frog (or some other amphibian) that lays eggs in the skin of its mate. The baby frogs pop out of pores in the parent’s back when they mature. EW. EW. EW. Ever since then, the idea of things growing on other things or holes in skin really, really, really creeps me out. Did I mention EW?

Here are some other things that may elicit a visceral response if you have trypophobia: wasp nests, ant holes, bubbles in dough, crumpets, lotus seed pods, bug tunnels, Aero bars, pockmarks, and Swiss cheese. You can check out this article in Popular Science for pictures of potential triggers. Be warned: I started crying after a minute of watching the video at the end. It’s not for the faint of heart.

At first I thought this was a big joke – it sounds too bizarre to be a real affliction. But specific phobias are actually quite prevalent, estimated to occur in about 5.3% of  U.S. adults at some point in their lives. More common specific phobias include arachnophobia (fear of spiders), acrophobia (fear of heights), and of course, agoraphobia. But beyond the common specific phobias lies a list of hundreds (maybe thousands) of uncommon phobias ranging from fears of clowns to fears of particular numbers.

While trypophobia is not officially recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it has a definite online presence. The condition has a dedicated Facebook page with over 7000 members and an active online forum. Maybe some day the American Psychiatric Association will recognize trypophobia as a psychiatric illness. For now, we will have to rely on online communities for support.

An affliction like trypophobia brings up an interesting issue in modern psychiatry – when does a behavior transcend the line of normalcy and become pathological? In other words, when is a phobia considered an illness and when is it just a personality quirk?

The DSM of the American Psychiatric Association stipulates that a condition must interfere with day-to-day life before being considered a psychiatric illness. In my case, trypophobia does not really interfere with the inner workings of my life. Clusters of holes and other shapes don’t actually prevent me from doing anything. I may experience extreme discomfort when I see these images, but at the end of the day, it’s not really something that I think about very often.

But that’s just my experience. For many people, trypophobia could become an incredible burden. We all experience the world in very different and unique ways; the experience of mental illness is no different.

Do you suffer from trypophobia? I’d be interested to hear your reactions to some of the triggering images. I know I can’t look at a lotus pod seed for more than a couple seconds without having an intense visceral reaction.

I’m not a real big sports fan. I avoid team sports at all costs, I find the gym to be a scary environment, and I cringe when someone asks me if I “saw the game last night” (what game?). I think my natural aversion to everything sports is at least partly responsible for the fact that I’ve never been as fit as I’d like to be. I rely on internal motivation to keep myself exercising every day, which is a lot tougher than I’d like it to be. That’s why I tried Tribesports – and why I suggest that you give it a try too.

First off, lets get the obvious stuff out of the way. Exercise is good for you. Many studies have explored exercise as an effective treatment for anxiety disorders and life stress. Research suggests that even small amounts of exercise can be beneficial in the treatment of anxiety and other mental illnesses. But this post isn’t meant to be a lecture on getting more exercise.

No, today I wanted to explore how I’ve overcome my natural aversion to organized exercise. See, I don’t like joining exercise classes because I find them intimidating, and thanks to my wonderful social anxiety, I’m constantly imagining how idiotic I must look flailing around like a dead fish in a pair of neon red shorts. Exercise classes make me more anxious, which kind of defeats the purpose in my opinion.

But being in a social environment is encouraging. If you’ve taken intro psych, maybe you’ve heard of social facilitation, the tendency to perform better on simple tasks when you’re surrounded by other people. When you’re alone, you can do as much (or as little) exercise as you’d like, and no one will know the difference. But when you’re out in public, you know other people are watching you, subtly trying to run just a minute longer than you or lift just a few pounds more than you (or is that just me?).

Enter the world of Tribesports. You create a profile, join tribes, engage in athletic challenges, and watch the encouragement roll in…all from the comfort of your home. It’s like being part of a network of virtual fitness classes, except you work at your own pace. There are hundreds of tribes to choose from, each with different focuses – from trail running to kickboxing. You can take challenges, like “do 10 push-ups every day for a week” or “run your first 5k”.

Tribesports is kind of like Facebook for athletics. You can follow people and watch their progress. Instead of “liking” status updates, you “encourage” activities and progress. Taking a “challenge” is a great way to become accountable for your exercise – all your Tribesports followers are watching to see when you’ll be able to hold the bridge for 5 minutes. You even get to level up as you progress with your account. The more challenges you complete, followers you accumulate, and tribes you join, the higher your ranking on the scoreboard.

I’m not usually one to promote individual sites like this one, but honestly Tribesports has renewed my interest in general fitness. Instead of forcing myself to get on the treadmill, I’m now excited to be able to push my athletic limits just to be able to click “Challenge Complete” and see my rankings improve. “Drop and do 15 push-ups right now.” You’re on!

In our technologically driven society, what could be better than a social media site geared towards exercise? I’ve already found Tribesports to be more addictive than Facebook . It’s a win-win situation – you have another social media site to join, and you’re exercising more. Give it a try – there’s really nothing to lose.

Have you tried Tribesports before? Tell me what you think! Are you as addicted as I am?

Promote better sleep hygiene to cut down on the sleepless nights.

I think I was born to be an insomniac. Starting in my preteen years, I developed a complete aversion to falling asleep before midnight. I also developed this amazing talent where I feel sleepy all day and perk up as soon as I should be going to sleep. I can spend hours upon hours on Facebook, but only after the sun sets. I also tend to discover new passions when the rest of the world is asleep – it’s 2 am and I just have to learn to speak Japanese by tomorrow morning!

So how does a guy like me get any sleep? Well, the answer to that question is still in the makings. But I can offer you some tips that I’ve found helpful over the years in my quest to overcome my nocturnal nature and embrace the wonders of sleep hygiene.

How to avoid BAD sleep hygiene 

1. Do NOT consume caffeine close to bedtime. Obvious, right? Well, I bet you’re still doing it. I’ve spent many a night lying in bed with my eyes glued open, staring at the ceiling fan as I count the number of pages I have to read in the next week because of that extra cup of coffee I just had to have at 10 pm. There are many alternatives to caffeine to give you a little energy boost – I recommend that you become familiar with them. 

2. Do NOT go to bed after drinking copious amounts of alcohol. This is another common tip, but you’ve probably ignored it because it sounds paradoxical. Alcohol makes you sleepy, right? Sure, in the short term. But if you’re looking to get a good night of sleep, don’t turn to alcohol. It may put you to sleep faster, but once it is metabolized from your system, it will disrupt your sleep. Alcohol has a pretty complex relationship with sleep, so it’s best to just not mix the two.

3. Do NOT spend hours on the computer right before sleep. You’ve been told a million times before – don’t surf the web before bedtime. But how often do you listen? It’s tough, because often, our computers are what keep us entertained. Shut off the computer at least two hours before bed, and pick up a book or take a bath or something. Life goes on even when you’re not constantly checking your email.

4. Do NOT spend time in bed when you’re not sleeping. As much as we love watching TV, surfing the web, and playing Skyrim while lying in our comfy beds, these behaviors perpetuate sleep problems. You should keep your bed for two things: sleeping and sex. That way, you will develop a stronger association between lying in bed and falling asleep.

5. Absolutely, whatever you do, do NOT plan for the future right before bed. This is often my biggest downfall. I’m up late, worrying about something, and so I decide to make a plan. Sounds reasonable, right? WRONG. Planning for the future is very stimulating and will keep you up all night obsessing over details. “Maybe I should read that chapter Tuesday instead of Wednesday, and then that will leave Wednesday open for finishing my essay, oh but wait, I also have to start my proposal outline, so maybe I should finish my essay Tuesday, and oh….damn it, I’ll just get out of bed and start now!” Insomnia: 1. Justin: 0.

How to promote GOOD sleep hygiene

6. Stay physically active throughout the day. While the exact relationship between sleep and exercise is not really clear, years of research have shown that physically active people do sleep better, on average. Whatever the real cause, I find that I sleep much better when I’ve been going for regular runs or hitting the gym at least 3 times a week. If you’re not an exercise fanatic, don’t worry. Physical activity can be as simple as walking briskly with your dog or doing 20 crunches before a meal.

7. Stay mentally active throughout the day. Part of the reason some of us can’t sleep at night is because we’re just not active enough during the day. Yes, physical activity is a big part of that, but something that often goes overlooked is mental activity. Activities that require intense concentration or problem solving skills wear down your energy reserves just as much as exercise. Instead of watching three hours of TV in your free time, try playing a video game, writing poetry, or whatever you enjoy doing that requires brain power.

8. Try to have a regular sleep-wake cycle. I always want to scream when someone shares this tip with me. Get up and go to bed at the same time EVERY DAY? Are you delusional? But alas, from personal experimentation (and I use the word “experimentation” in the loosest sense for you science buffs), I’ve found that I do in fact sleep better when I stick to a fairly regular sleep-wake cycle. Go to bed at 12, wake up at 9. Repeat. Repeat again. And so on. Eventually, your brain starts learning when you should be falling asleep and when you should wake up. It sucks, I know. But give it a try.

9. Practice relaxation techniques. My last post was about practicing mindfulness in conversations. Well, lo and behold, I will argue again for the benefits of mindfulness – one of which is better sleep. Practicing some form of mindfulness (meditation, Tai Chi, yoga, eating without distractions, etc.) every day will help you sleep better.

10. Get lots of natural light throughout the day. If you weren’t aware, your entire body works on a close-to-24-hour cycle. This is called your circadian rhythm. It’s partially controlled by your suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN), a part of your hypothalamus that is directly connected to your eyes and thus senses light. Your SCN controls the release of the hormone melatonin, which you may know is involved in sleep. To make a long story short, get lots of natural light throughout the day and avoid getting any bright light for a couple hours leading up to bedtime in order to keep your circadian rhythm in check. This is a simple way to listen to take advantage of your body’s natural sleeping mechanisms to overcome insomnia.

Were these tips helpful for you? Have you already heard all of them? Do you have any other tips? Leave me a comment; I’m interested to see your answers.

Are you being mindful in conversations?

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I have social anxiety. I’m afraid of things like having to make small talk and being assertive. My social fears often prevent me from fully engaging in conversations. I fall into self-perpetuating cycles; I’m so anxious that I won’t be able to hear what someone is saying that I completely miss what they were saying because I was so worried I’d miss what they were going to say. I know it sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s my brain for you (I’m sure many of you can relate!).

This issue leaves me with two problems: I’m not actively partaking in conversations, and I’m anxious as hell about it. I would love to just turn off my anxiety, but alas, that is not a realistic solution. It seems the only other way to bypass the problem is to force myself to engage in the conversation. Well how could I do that, you ask? The answer is through mindfulness.

If you’ve never heard the term before, mindfulness is about staying focused on the present and refraining from judging your thoughts and feelings. Being mindful really just means living life as it is happening, rather than worrying and obsessing over things that have happened or may (or may not) happen in the future. It’s a simple concept, but an incredibly difficult skill to master. Activities like yoga and Tai Chi draw on principles of mindfulness.

Being mindful in conversation requires you to focus on what the other person is saying. This sounds quite obvious – it’s what you’re already doing, right? My bet is no. Most people are often caught up in their own thoughts while in conversation. We all want to sound interesting and intelligent, so instead of actually listening to what the other person is saying, we often are planning what we’ll say next or trying to guess how this person will end their sentence. Sometimes, we’ve even moved past the conversation in our minds, and we’re planning what we’re going to do when it’s over (“As soon as he’s done jabbering away, I’m going to go get Starbucks”).

We live in a fast-paced world. It seems like we never have enough time in the day to get half of our to-do lists done. And we make it very clear to the rest of the world – we’re constantly checking our phones, storming around like we’re always late for something, honking our horns when someone isn’t speeding. I’ve argued before for the benefits of relaxation and slowing things down. Mindfulness is the most simple way to go about being more calm.

The next time you’re having a lengthy conversation with a close friend or family member, here’s what I want you to do:

• Let go of your worries and focus on what is being said. Instead of worrying about bills that need to get paid, notes that need to be read, and calls that need to be returned, just focus on the conversation. Being mindful in a conversation requires that you focus all your attention on what your conversation partner is saying. You shouldn’t be noticing people walking by or listening to music off in the distance.
  
• Acknowledge when your mind wanders and bring it back. If your thoughts do wander, acknowledge it, and bring yourself back to the conversation. You will probably find your mind wandering quite often; that’s okay. Just keep bringing yourself back to the conversation.  
• Speak in turn. If you do have social anxiety, you may not have too much problem with this one, but it’s worth noting anyway. Wait for your turn in the conversation – don’t interject if you think your point is more important. Ideally, you should wait until your conversation partner is done talking before you even think of your response. If you’re formulating your own thoughts while your partner is talking, then you’re not really listening, are you?
• Don’t judge yourself if you can’t keep focus. If your mind does wander or you can’t help but think about what you want to say, that’s perfectly okay. Mindfulness isn’t a skill you learn over night. Accept that your thoughts wander from time to time, and don’t judge yourself for it. Mindfulness is also about acceptance: acceptance of our flaws and quirks that make us unique.
• Try to appear calm. If you’re socially anxious, having conversations may not make you overly calm. But appearing calm is different altogether. What I mean is that you shouldn’t be twitching uncomfortably or fidgeting like you’re bored. You also shouldn’t be checking your phone every few minutes or responding to texts. I don’t know when we got to the point in our society where texting while have a serious conversation with someone else is considered appropriate, but I don’t like it (even though I’ve definitely done it before).

Being mindful is an incredible skill to master. It takes time, but you’ll see it can used in any aspect of your life. Mindfulness has many medical benefits, and for years it has been encouraged for patients of all different types of mental illness. I suggest that you find a mindfulness resource online and really try it. If you can practice mindfulness for a few moments every day, I really think you’ll see a difference.

Are you mindful in conversations? I would be interested to hear if any of you do this unconsciously.

Some days, it seems like you can just never get a break. You know, those days when a passing car splashes muddy water into your face, you’re late for work, and you spill your coffee all over your boss? Or maybe the bus breaks down on your way to a final exam, you sprain your ankle running to get there in time, only to realize that you forgot your student ID card and can’t get into the building. Most of the time, you can look back on such days and find humor in them.

But sometimes you can’t. Like this one day, a few months ago, when I was just starting to get daily panic attacks for the first time, and I’d hit my breaking point. I remember that day vividly – I was walking around in circles, avoiding going back to my apartment. I made my way up to a park on a hill in the middle of the city, hidden behind an array of dense trees. And I contemplated my suicide.

What saved me was a quick call to my parents. They forced me to talk about what was really bothering me, to get to the root of the problem, and they encouraged me to use the coping techniques I’d learned in therapy. They also got me crying – which it turns out was all I really needed. I could have easily thrown away years of treatment and self-discovery all in a sudden moment of weakness, but it was my social support network that kept me grounded. It was the accountability that comes with having close friends and family that saved me.

I have a great social support network. I have two incredibly understanding parents who have seen me at my worst and have never judged me. I have amazing friends scattered across the country who treat me with more respect than I probably deserve. I even have outstanding authority figures in my life – bosses, supervisors, counselors, advisers. And it’s these people who have kept me on my path to recovery.

Social support is a crucial element of any journey to recovery. Our support network encourages us to stick to our treatment plan, lends a helping hand we need something we can’t do for ourselves, and provides us with one or many shoulders to cry on if need be. Going beyond the obvious benefits, social support also has a biological basis too. Socializing facilitates the release of a hormone called oxytocin that helps us stay calm and relaxed. Low levels of oxytocin may contribute to illnesses like depression and anxiety.

Social support acts as a sort of buffer against stress and illness. It has been linked to lower rates of heart disease, lower stress hormone release, and better immune function. Unequivocally speaking, science has shown that having a support network is crucial to any recovery program – whether it be from mental illness or physical illness.

So why don’t we all open up about our illnesses? Usually the answer surrounds stigma (I’ve written about what perpetuates stigma before). Our society stigmatizes mental illness, and thus we fear being judged if we open up. We fear losing friends, becoming estranged from family members, maybe even losing jobs. It’s a scary thing to open up and let very personal parts of yourself out. But hopefully we know and trust those people that we’ve invited into our lives enough to be able to share ourselves.

Here are a few tips that you might find useful in your quest to broaden your social support network.

• Start small. Opening up about your illness is never an all-or-nothing process. If you’re not comfortable with labels, then just talking about how you get anxious from time to time is a great start. Tell your mom that it makes you uncomfortable to meet new people. Open up to your best friend about your fear of public transportation. Just getting your emotions out on the table can be incredibly cathartic.
  
• Practice online. If you’re not ready to talk about your illness in person, then start by joining an internet forum to discuss your thoughts and feelings (you can try Anxiety Zone or just do a quick Google search).
• Role play with your therapist. If you happen to be receiving professional help, role playing can be a great way to work out fears you have. Your therapist will likely have a lot of insight into possible reactions you may get and how to deal with them.
• Send an email. If you happen to have social anxiety like me, then having a serious emotional conversation in person can be difficult even if you practice online first. An easier approach would be to send your thoughts by written word (email, Facebook, or even snail mail if you’d like). That way, you have more time to choose your wording and you’re giving the other person time to digest the information and decide on an appropriate response.

Having a social support network is incredibly important if you want to stick to your journey to recovery. If you’re not ready to open up to your own support network about your anxiety, then feel free to leave me a message through my contact page – I read and respond to all my messages!